Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
