she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
