We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
