Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the day after is always just damage control
Sacagawea was the original milf.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
