Just took my morning after pill in the library
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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