he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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