sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my poor anus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
