hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
