pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it because I queefed?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
