3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
