when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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