Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
