well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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