How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
