I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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