a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
