I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
