Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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