We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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