I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
