I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this will be a night to untag.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
