You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
