look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
