it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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