Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
