he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
