as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
