He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
