we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
