Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
