Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
