just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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