you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
