This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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