just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
