Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
