Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
