My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
