I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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