You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
