Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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