One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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