Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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