my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
