I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
