great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
