He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
