Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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