Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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