Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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