you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
