just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
