is your mom at the bar?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
