her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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